Sometimes I don't know exactly what I want to say although I want to say something, if that makes any sense. So I sit down and I just start writing whatever thoughts come to me. I just saw geese flying outside, it's almost Christmas and there are geese still in Canada... what are they doing here? I worry about weird things sometimes. I worry about winter starting later and lasting into Spring, I worry because although I love snow at Christmas, I don't like the cold, and I don't like snow and ice when I want to be outside. I worry a lot about my bank account, although I can remember times when I had far less. Yesterday my BF told me with sincerity that if he had nothing else but me, he'd still be happy... and it made me think about everything I'm blessed with that I've lost sight of as a blessing. I have a small but good family, I have few friends, but they love me unconditionally. I can walk. I have good health and always have. I've got a job I do well. People rely on me, and I like that feeling. I think we all do, that feeling of people needing you, that it would matter if you weren't there. It's something small, and maybe insignificant - but I'm sure there are people out there who feel like absolutely no-one would miss them if they disappeared. I can't think of a worse feeling. This entry seems sad, but it's not... I'm feeling blessed. It's Christmas and the people I love are alive and well, there is love in my life. There is love in the lives of the people I love most. My best friend Lindsay met a new guy, and they are falling head over heels for each other, and I can't help but feel filled with joy - I've prayed a long time for her to find someone worthy and I think she's found it. A forever something that she can feel blessed about. I've found my forever love, he could never know the nights I spent praying that there would be someone out there to love me for me. We have our bumps, like any other couple... but the feelings are genuine, mutual, and visible.
It'll come to me... the things I don't always know, the things I want to know.. everything in time comes to you. Sometimes you've just got to be quite and listen.